Tea Bags line up in neat in a row by your bedside tally up the nights that I have stayed. My pocket full of bottle caps fell in to your sheets and turned up the next time your bed was made. you drew a picture of my shoes and you hung it on your wall took a photo of the building that we climbed up thirteen flights of stairs in the cool sydney night air making stories for the characters inside. I know that you want to go steady, But I'm not ready. I just don't know how I'd spend my time in sydney I'd get bored and you'd get bored with me, so easily. I read the poems on the fridge from the magnets you'd arranged went outside and watched the thunderstorm roll in and we didn't make a sound, just held hands and walked around to the sound of thunderclaps and gusts of wind. Yeah, you're right. Its a shame. You'll move on and I'll be too blame. Still pining for the girlfriend from two thousand and thirteen has seen me holding back too much and now you're gone. I know that I don't know or want whats good for me.

I played gigs all june in living rooms of old and brand new friends, home in july, alone and I have no plans for these weekends. Empty beers and souvenirs of days spent in the sun. I number my tasks from first to last and still get nothing done. I just want to become someone who's never questioned the way they spent, these years behind me, no I hope to find me how good these years can get. Our days are numbered and I'm scared, ten years on still only half prepared, to be the person I hoped I would be by this age when I was seventeen. I spent a summers worth of savings on unleaded 95 and turned left on to the highway for the fourteen hour drive. the one thing I learnt from the cash I burnt on petrol and new wheels, it couldn't buy a thing that would ease the sting of how never knowing feels. I just want to become someone who's never questioned the way they spent, these years behind me, no I hope to find me how good these years can get. Our days are numbered and I'm scared, ten years on still only half prepared, to be the person I hoped I would be by this age when I was seventeen.

I close my eyes when I sing and I'm right back there again, leave the stage and pack my things, head for the door & that is when, fingerless gloves ruffle my uncut sweaty hair he says I'm glad you sung those songs and I am so happy that you're here I hope we feel this great forever, I couldn't smile harder if I tried right now i would struggle to remember how it felt to want to die I hope the same thing. I'm terrified for this to end. please tell me that this isnt just a raincheck for my current lack of suffering. We made plans and they fell through, said you're too sad to leave your room. the toaster springs would make a sound with every step as I danced around and made bubble & squeak from the leftovers in your fridge I know I cant make you feel upbeat but i can make you coffee and a sandwhich I hope your darks days don't last long I hope your medication works and if theres something I can do I'll do my best not to make things works I hope the same thing I'm terrified for this to end Tell me that this isnt just a raincheck for my current lack of suffering.

I haven't cried that much since last september since the night that I fell out with my best friend. Maybe once or twice, I don't quite remember I just know that I have felt so much love since then. Like when @Jack Lundie said good bye in the beer garden, made me promise I would let him know when I arrived safe back home. And when @sharkey said I could share her bed when she left for work patted me on the head and said thanks for making this place feel less alone Now I've got warm tears on tired cheeks from smiling way too hard. Maizy said I'm sorry for calling them baby steps, now that I see how far you've come since then. I wasn't left with that much choice, but I hope that you hear me sing my songs you hear the smile thats in my voice, thats in my voice. Outside on the phone with @rou at midnight, and she straight up asks me hows my mental health. its only that our friend ben thinks I might not be okay I'm only sad that he didn't reach out for himself. I got a little weird after you mentioned Brodie, I know you meant well but i still think you know me, well enough to know that I'll be fine. and its scary to think I might not ever have left, I'm more inspired these days than I could ever had guessed, and surrounded by faces I'm glad not to have left behind. Now I've got warm tears on tired cheeks from smiling way too hard. Maizy said I'm sorry for calling them baby steps, now that I see how far you've come since then. I wasn't left with that much choice, but I hope that you hear me sing my songs you hear the smile thats in my voice, thats in my voice. I hope that I don't bore you, or fall asleep before you, I hope we never run out of nice things to say. Lets sip tea and I will listen, sat cross-legged in your kitchen to everything that went on while I was away.